Chapter 1: Who Writes This Crap?
Tis another beautiful day in a city a few miles away from Dante's hometown of... wherever the hell in America he lives that the creators were too lazy to bring up, not that any wise Divine Being as myself, Snarkeous Le-Moni Narratus, the God of Wise Quips, should expect any better from you hairless apes. Anyway, we most stay focused on the "story" at hand. Dante and Trish are just entering a book store.
"Why are you making me wear this tie with this suit?" Dante whispered to Trish. "And why couldn't I bring my duster?"
"It makes us look more like authentic investigators dressed this way," Trish answered as they made their way to the front counter.
"Authenticity? Yeah, like any FBI Agent would really be having that much of their cleavage exposed?"
"That's why it's called Seduction."
"Oh, God, No. I don't need to be reminded of our first game and that Odysseus Complex crap."
"You mean Oedipus Complex?"
"Yes, can I help you?" the Cashier ask them.
"I'm Agent Danielle Burgio," Trish said as she pulled out a counterfeit FBI badge "Oh, and this my partner Langdon. We have some questions to ask about a disappearance that happened two days ago. When was the last time you saw-"
"Oh, I see what trying to do." The cashier said trying to hold back some chuckles.
"What do you mean?" Dante asked as he was preparing to reach for Ebony in what may be a potential confrontation.
"LARPing as those Detectives that save the world from Demons in those Light Novels by Hideki Kamiya."
"Excuse me?" Trish Inquired.
"Yeah right, like you've never heard of The Devil May Cry novels."
"Wait, you mean the one named after the Devil May Cry detective agency," Dante asked.
"Oh, you know about that Albino lunatic who claims that he's half demon and some silly shit."
"Yeah, I've heard of him," Dante said hiding his anger.
"Well we've got plenty of Devil May Cry novels-Like the latest one."
Dante and Trish were taken aback upon seeing the novel of which its cover included two figures with a surprisingly close resemblance to Dante and Nero posing below its title "Devil May Cry: Deadly Inheritance Azure".
"That incident on Fortuna was two weeks ago!" Dante exclaimed.
"Yes, so?" The Cashier bewilderedly asked.
"Do you have any more of these books?"
"That isn't what we-" Trish challenged Dante.
"That can wait." Dante whispered.
It is then that they take the collection of books back to the shop to see this surprising chronicle of their lives.
"Somebody please tell me this is Lady trying to pull some elaborate prank on us," Dante asked as he looked at the collection of books before him which includes "Devil May Cry-Before the Rise of Teminigru," "Dante's Awakening", "Vergil's Bloody Quest", "The Dark Emperor Strikes Back", "Tales of Alighieri City", "Deadly Inheritance Azure", "The Dark Slayer Returns", "The Beastheads" and "Devil May Cry Future: Uroboros City Stories."
"Unless she's developed psychic and clairvoyant powers without telling any of us, I highly doubt it," Morrison said.
"Well whatever person gets there kicks out of stealing the feats from my life for own work is going to get their ass kicked".
"Oh, come on you cry baby," Morrison retorted as he was reading through a random set of pages of a book. "What's the worst that could happen letting- Wait is that where you got those kinky names of the attacks with Lucifer from?" he stopped as he couldn't look away from certain lurid passages.
"Did you ever go to your school dance with a tran-?"
"Someone wrote that in there!?" Morrison interrupted before he cleared his throat. "Yes, Point taken".
"I'm afraid I've got more bad news" Trish announced.
To be Continued In Chapter two: Slash Fiction.
Chapter 2: Slash Fiction
As Dante and Morrison were reading over and discussing about these uncannily accurate retellings of Dante's prior feats, Trish had found a trove of stories that they may not have wished to have found which are the worst abominations that no one should ever be forced to be subjected to...
"Wait, how can letting the world have our most private thoughts and moments open to everyone to read be out done?" Dante asked Trish.
"Apparently these books have inspired a set of 'Fan Fiction' stories on a website devoted to it," She said pointing to it on her laptop.
"Okay, so some guys who have too much time on their hands waste their time writing stuff about me going on other adventures and shit. How can that be too bad?"
"Yeah, but there are some you'll wish you hadn't read."
"What does 'X' mean?" Morrison asked. "There are several that have 'Dante X Vergil' and other 'Dante X' in their names".
"It means..." Trish said having to stop to try to put in a less embarrassing way. "Dante and Vergil being together."
"I highly doubt that there would ever be any way that Vergil and I'd be able to work together after the Teminigru incident."
"No like 'Like Like' each other... deeply."
"Uh... how deep are we talking here?"
"It looks like lip locking level deep," Morrison observed.
"WHAT!?" Dante blurted.
"I'd like to wish that Morrison misspoke," Trish spoke. "But, yeah that's actually there."
"There's no way that anyone could actually think I would go that far out of my character and..." Dante protested... until he proceeded to read one of these slash stories. "'...As Vergil looked into Dante's eyes. 'I know that this is wrong,' Dante said." Dante read aloud. "'But it is righteously justified.' He then tore off Vergil's pan-' Oh, hell no I did not need that kind of picture of my brother burned into my mind."
"Don't they know that they're brothers?" Morrison asked.
"They're well aware of that." Trish shrugged. "It's not as bad as this one in which you and Cerberus make-" Dante swiftly closed the laptop.
"We've got to track down and stop this guy that has inspired this crap," Dante declared "Trish, did you find out anything else about this Kamiya guy?"
"I couldn't find anything about him, like a birth certificate or any other file on him, so it's probably a pseudonym. Though I did find where to visit his publisher at."